dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
