Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
