Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
