Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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