so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
