My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize