Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I look better un-naked...
I just gift wrapped bread.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Also, beer. Big fan.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
