Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
