he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
