he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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