I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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