If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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