Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
