i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The struggles of a small town man whore
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
