My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
