I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
