I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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