and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You can't special order awesome
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
