Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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