I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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