Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
