how can u be prego again
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
