making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
This is classic penis vs brain.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
