we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
