Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
