he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize