just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
