yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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