If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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