Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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