i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Come share oat with me in your robe
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
false alarm, still single
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
