did you get engaged???
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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