he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
