I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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