she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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