Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize