only if we run a train.
done.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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