yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
