after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize