Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
