Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
