there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
