Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
