If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
