Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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