First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
