Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
