the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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