i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
