well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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