I just threw up on my dentist
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
