I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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