its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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