Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
