Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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