im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
