I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
