i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
