just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
