I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
