I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
