When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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