Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize