she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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