what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
