My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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