I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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