"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Holy shit dude........stairs
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
