I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
