he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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