You can't motorboat a personality
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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