how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
