Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
he shaved USA in his pubs
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
this hospital has no fireball
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
