Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
