a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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