On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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