i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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