Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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