literally had 100 drinks last night.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
