i just wanna soil my oats bro
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
