It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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