I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
