I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
