I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
