You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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