Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
