I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
