drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
