i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize