I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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