Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
