Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
