I just cut my nipple shaving
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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