I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
