Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
