Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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