dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
They should really pass out barf bags in church
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
