I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
