Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
