When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
