if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It's never too late to be topless.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Randomize
