I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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