I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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