My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
