as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
