Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
