Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
