you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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