I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
