haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
