My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize