last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
