Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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