One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
