i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
